In the past seven months, I came across two cancer patients;
one a little too depressed, because, well, that’s exactly how one feels then,
and the other, high on life. He’d exactly be someone who doesn’t only loves to
live, but also loves loving and coloring others’ lives around him in varied
hues.
When both these visitors, at different point in time, came
over to our place, I realized the sudden change of ingredients in our regular
food and even felt guilty on having pickles with my meal, something they
couldn’t have. Even though I had a strong urge to avoid it, I didn’t. I didn’t
want to act sorry for them when they weren’t. So this recent visitor who ‘loved-to-live’
wasn’t repenting about the fact that his ailment was due to his addiction to tobacco,
a habit that existed until he was detected with cancer, and instead said, “I
liked having tobacco for all these years. Why should I feel sorry for things I
always liked doing? I don’t even want you’ll to feel sorry for me.” Just when
my parents and even his wife were expressing their concern for him, he said,
“Don’t worry. I’ll be alright. When I lose even half a kg weight, I treat
myself to Bengali sweets and ensure that my weight increases by a kg,” which
made us chuckle.
When he visited us, I was half worn out since I’d slept only
for four hours last night. But when I looked at his vibrant self and vitality,
I felt sorry for myself. Life is not just about breathing; it’s more about the
realization of death and confronting it with ‘that’ attitude. Telling death, if
you have your own ways, I’ll have mines. His attitude made me sulk a little
less over my temporary sorrow and it was this very attitude which made me do
the only thing I can probably do… Write! For as I’ve read somewhere, “Life is
not necessarily a reward and death is not necessarily a punishment.” If you
feel sorry for yourself, others are less likely to be empathetic towards you;
sympathy can be feigned. If you live life on your own terms, life shall feel
sorry for the wrong it does to you and people will undergo, what is known as,
the “self-actualization” process.
It is death that makes you live. You don’t conquer death by living
for a few more years; you conquer death by welcoming it.
