Happy Holi :-)

Inebriated by the colours and the splash

Not the bhaang, but things apart

Waking up to a distant memory in a flash

The first half seems an event of the past.

You know you are technologically challenged when...

• Wi-fi, for you, is just something that rhymes with hi-fi
• 3G is a scam bigger than 2G
• You feel taglines like “Touch.Feel.Experience.” have a sexual undertone
• Your ringtone and every other alert tone is the default one
• You think that android is some hormone similar to thyroid. (In that case, you are even scientifically challenged)
• You feel that if “Jelly”, “bean”, “ice-cream” and “sandwich” are ever on your phone, you immediately need to wipe it or get it off.
• You think that ‘Cloud’ must be something related to skype. Sky-pe, the color blue, skype’s logo… looks similar, no?
• When you argue that bubble safari is a much better game than GTA Vice City
• When you don’t understand which message you sent and which one you received on Whatsapp
• LED, LCD means the same to you
• When Phablet means the latter part of tablet.. Like English Vinglish… it’s Tablet-Phablet…
• When most of your gadgets are on the Auto-mode

I’m sure there are many more things that still remain uncovered. Well, blame it on my limited knowledge, then. Feel free to add more! J

The Great Indian Reek-ing Tragedy!

So by defying his rule of proper form of any text, I shall begin my write-up by thanking Aristotle and acknowledging him first:

Thank you so much for inspiring me, Sir. Even if I don’t score a 20/25 for my soon-to-be-written answer, I am grateful to you, for I at least got some inspiration to write this post :)

This afternoon, while reading his notes, the analogy between Greek tragedy and Indian politics just struck me. Having read more than 2 plays that combine elements of Greek Tragedy (that’s still not close to my claim to fame), I got enough stuff to finally write something on politics that’d make sense… or nonsense… Either way, how does it matter?

• To start off, the too many characters, and inimitable ones at that, fits the mould of a complex Greek tragedy completely
• There are many flat characters, like those who keep mum, but are still given the priority like a “first citizen”; big-mouthed ones who know a lot of things already, keep mum when they should speak and speak when they should keep their fingers on their lips; and glorified bhaiyyas and Rajas, too… Itna laad kyun bhai?
• Chorus, in the form of arguments and many ministers saying many things, all at once. Aren’t we all witness to “Shaant ho jaiye”, “Baith jaiye” by our ever-so-patient Lok Sabha Speakers?
• The chorus at times alters themselves and become Praise Singers for members from their own party. Base flatterers practicing sycophancy… How many times have we seen that?
• Hamartia (Common tragic flaw) – Corruption and greed… Kya karen, control nahi hota!
• Some ministers with their shayaris intervening in between almost miss out on being the official musicians to this drama.  Bada sawaal – “Will the chorus come to their aid”?
• In the beginning, the stakes are high, but eventually it all fizzles out because of the characters’ tragic flaw.
• The ‘Dal-badlu-reversal’ syndrome when a minister changes party and suddenly he’s handed over a new script of dialogues. How tedious, no?
• And that moment of recognition or “Eureka”, when all their goodness goes for a toss. “Hum mantri hain, bhai? Apne aap ko kisi se kamm kyun haanke?”
• The huge production cost… ‘250 crore for A vacation!’

I definitely regard this haphazard state being as good as any tragedy. Given the current state of affairs, I’m guessing the chances of improvement are as much as scoring a 22/25 for a well-written, Literature answer… highly minute. For, the more they seek to do better, the more they reek to do the worse.

(PS: I initially thought of dropping names, but then I dropped the idea itself. Risk kyun le, bhai?)

We and our obsessions…

I always wanted to write something on this topic, but after three lines, whatever I wrote seemed too forced. All I needed was some incident that would prompt me to write something more. And I got just that today. The incident was as follows:

So this certain someone (let’s call her CS) went to a reputed fitness and beauty center with a voucher that she was given by a friend, for a haircut. As soon as she reached there, this was how the conversation ended... 

“Stylist”: Do you know what the cost of hair-cutting at our salon is?

CS: “I’m sure it’s expensive. But I've got a voucher”(in Hindi).

“Stylist”: I see… Let’s have a look at your hair…

(CS sat down for a hair checkup)

“Stylist”: Your hair looks oily. I think you’ll have to get it washed.”

CS: But I just washed it yesterday. Don’t blow-dry it. I’m OK with a simple haircut.

“Stylist”: But mam, my scissors are expensive. It’ll get damaged. I’m sorry, I can’t take a risk.

At this, the lady left and gave her voucher to another friend.

While narrating this incident to someone close to her, CS said, “Log aaj kal pehenaawe par zyaada dhyaan dete hain. Yehi agar aap jeans mein ya salwar-kameez mein jaao, English mein baat karo toh aapko zyaada importance milti hai…” at this, she could speak no further and started crying like a kid.

This furthered my stance on this subject matter.

• I agree that looks and attire do hold an importance in one’s life. But not at the cost of belittling a person’s self-respect and his or her self-perception. Everybody has the right to have an opinion, but being judgmental only because of that is sheer idiocy. I've known many ladies in western attire and highly decked up having no sense of what is going on in the country and lacking opinions. And those very ladies holding an English Magazine upside down. So the question is, does Westernization lies only on how we look? What about our outlook?
• Does knowing English means knowing it all? I mean what is yours if not for your mother-tongue? If you've adopted yourself to some place or some language, you've made yourself that ways. It was never yours. Had there been only English speaking crowd, you’d have no Munshi Premchand, no Nirala, no Rabindranath Tagore, no P.L. Deshpande and very recently, no Gulzar, Javed Akhtars and many other geniuses who have written and still write in languages they are familiar and comfortable with. Why did Shakespeare never try writing in French? What is language if not for the expression and body language?
• And then again, what’s Education if it doesn't show up in your behavior? I respect everyone who is intelligent, knows how to survive and is well aware of the ways of the world. Though I must admit that I dislike everybody who is pretentious. I can stand someone not speaking a language correctly because he or she is unaware; but I’d really disregard anyone who tries faking it, thereby disrespecting his or her state of unawareness and being someone he or she isn't.  Not that my opinion matters to many, but I’m just saying… in case it does.
• We are hypocrites. And we should unabashedly admit it. Take an example of a “foreigner” trying to speak in Hindi. A Namaste, a Shukriya, a ‘Mera naam whatever hai’ is awwww-ed upon. But on the other hand, an Indian, not so familiar with English is booed. A case of vice-versa expects a similar reaction. So why be confused?

Anyway, coming back to the topic, with due respect to their professionalism, why do they always suggest this add-on of washing our hair, on the pretext of finding our hair oily? I’m sure they have better ways of marketing their services… And well, your expensive scissors. I get it. Those that you got from Alfa market? Hmmm… Fair enough. And the cost of hair-cut you asked. Well, I’m sure it’s as much as the sweeper in your office gets it. Value it. Had it not been for him, you’d have to do it yourself. Bend your head for humility and not for looking down upon people and threading.

I apologize in anticipation if I've hurt anyone in anyway whatsoever; that’s not the intention. My concern is with Indians and their obsession with fair skin, straight hair and English, which is indirectly proportional to their unfair mannerisms, narrow mindset and twisted loose talks.

As for the rest, I rest my case…

Yours Sincerely,
A not-so-intelligent, English writing, jeans wearing but not so decked up girl!

Love Thyself!

‘Love thyself’ was what I’d heard

And then within me some emotions stirred.

I started with vanity and the mirror was my friend

Even the slightest obstruction then, became a fiend.

The fingers tossed the hair by opening a bun

And each strand of hair got individual attention.

The eyes fluttered like never before

And the nose was brushed for opening every pore.

The lips went into a pout and the neck craned

Showing my collar bones and nerves a bit strained.

And I moved from left to right to check the best suited profile

But clicking snaps just that way was considered to be vile.

For jealous is the world of outer beauty

And somehow considers holy worshipping inner beauty.

I told myself, “It’s not a paunch

I just had dinner”, I was staunch.

My legs are thinner (when compared to hers)

I convinced myself in a sentence pretty terse.

“And Oh my fingers look pretty when painted

The broken and chipped nails leave it tainted”…

Well, intelligent I am, do you know not?

I remember the ABCD’s that long ago were taught.

And I am neither silly nor sissy like her, boss!

Who got back to her ex by keeping the same reply to either side of the toss.

O beauty with brains personified is me

Do I need to clarify? Do you not see?

My smile is the prettiest, it glitters my eyes

It’s the most enduring thing. It never dies.

Have you seen me dance? I wriggle and gyrate so well!

Item numbers are such a waste… Watch me revel!

No one matches up to me someone really special I want.

O I’m so perfect! Just one on the shelf…

And immediately someone came and said, “Great! Go F*** yourself!”

For Once...

Go out without putting on some sunscreen for once – UV rays never killed anyone in a day…

Tie your hair in a bun for once – open hair never guaranteed any liberation ever…

Mute your thoughts and listen to the random sounds around for once – will add up to your self-made playlist…

Don’t worry about your outfits for once – wear what you’re most comfortable in…

Let squinted eyes replace glares for once – wearing (rose)-tinted glasses has its own share of shortcomings…

Allow yourself to enjoy your company for once – often, get-togethers can make you feel left out too…

Let the breeze stroll by you for once – why else did we seek the pleasure of a topless car for?...

For all the happiness, if pessimism wallows inside you, for once – stand up and question its shallowness…

We spend too much time worrying about ourselves – for once, let’s spend as much time worrying less…

Clear your doubts and speak up your mind for once – let yourself be at peace with yourself…

Clean sweep!

Any new broom is like first love

It seems it'll sweep (you) at the first sight

But all it leaves is a lot of mess...

It has some flaws and well, who does not?

'It's just a matter of time', you tell yourself (but it's not)

So hard you try to keep it low

And make random movements - some fast, some slow.

But now you know not how it was - cleaner or dirtier before it came

This confusion thus leads you to decide it was pretty much the same...

Gradually you get a hang of it

And life seems easier to deal with it.

But slowly it seems too dreary to carry on

For it's losing its sticks, it has gone gaunt.

And that's when the idea of a new broom comes

But procrastination is the word & all act like bums!

So after a while when you ring out the old, and (b)ring in the new...

You know it will last long for days too few

Because it'll have its own share of drawbacks

So meagre the use and more the whacks!

'This is how it'll be', is what you accept 

You've woken up with and so have you slept

But mind you, be careful for that first sweep

Is never too easy and at least once you weep.

Thus never refrain from first love even if it's a doom

Though be wary 'cuz a broom is nothing but a blend of a bride and a groom!